I WAS SO READY TO DABBLE WITH DA VINCI ...
Dear Sir/Madam:
It was with great and eager anticipation that I opened your sofware
application DaVinci which promised to lend me the talents of the masters .
And that without making a mess, yet using 1.6 million colors. No wonder I
was excited when your package arrived! Before I go on though, I want to tell
you about myself, so that you may better understand my reaction to your
product.
I consider myself reasonably literate in science and technology, having
attended college and being a regular reader of the Scientific American. When
computers first appeared, I expected to master them in short order. In this I
was cruelly deceived . I still remember the woeful day I turned on my first
computer. The screen swarmed with little gaily colored icons, some with
moving parts. It's possible they pointed to some underlying reality. If so, I
missed it. The user's manual was written in a language that appeared to be
Indo-European, but lacked grammar . I tried the keyboard at random and got
messages like "Error No. 106," or "Do you really want to do this?" Once a
voice said: "Welcome." In short, I was perplexed, and if it weren't for my
seven-year old grand daughter, I would still be perplexed.
Now with the above in mind, try to understand the mixure of fear and
excitement with which I began to download your twelve DaVinci disks into my
computer. At first things went smoothly, every disk told me when to put the
next one in, my computer was humming away, all was well with the world. I
actually began to have this mellow feeling of being one with the universe
that the mystics talk about. When the last disk was loaded, the computer
asked me politely to re-start it. I clicked on the re-start message--my
screen went blank and has remained so to this day.
Let me not try to describe my exact feelings at that moment, suffice it to
say that I was agitated. But, being a rational person, I eventually called
your 1-800 customer assistance number. After being asked a great many
questions by a machine, I was put on hold by another machine. Then a third
machine told me that soothing music was going to be played for my benefit and
Eine kleine Nachtmusik came on. I'll give you this: you do have class.
After one hour on hold, I gave up, my ear being worn raw by the receiver.
Please, oh please, have this letter answered by a human, an entity with eyes,
ears, teeth, a nose, you know what I mean. Forgive the inkblots on this
letter, my fountain pen leaks.
Sincerely, Adrian K.
At Random - Adrian Korpel
