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џџ џџ џџ ] І І І І І В , І х Ж ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ Њ Ќ Ќ Ќ Ќ Ќ Ќ $ є f а ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ а ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ ђ Њ І І ђ Њ Њ Њ ђ о _ёМнМІ І Њ
WHAT HAPPENED, ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT DREARY
What Happened, Once Upon a Midnight Dreary
At this time of the year something Halloweenish usually happens to me. As you
may remember, once I was visited by Mephistopheles himself, and once by two
witches who knew him. Both these things occurred while I was sitting in my
hottub on the deck, meditating about the universe and such.
This year is different though. My hottub is out of commission, having burned
out its heating coil once too often for my money. It also started to leak
last winter, with long icicles stretching down from the deck to the patio
below. So now I meditate on the universe in the bath tub, but it is not the
same. I miss the fiery Van Gogh stars wheeling overhead and the love-crazed
squirrels chasing each other through the trees. The whole scene had an
ambiance that cried out for black magic. The bathroom is different. I didn't
think that any devils or witches would ever visit me there -- until recently,
on a dreary midnight.
I had just finished making abundant foam and was drinking my Campari prior to
meditating, when I heard somebody tapping -- more gently rapping, actually --
at my bathroom door. I know Poe's poem as well as anybody, so it didn't
surprise me when, a little later, a big, black raven stepped inside and
hopped onto the rim of the bath tub.
"Hi," it said, "you're really making a mess here, aren't you? And why do you
drink that purple stuff, isn't beer good enough any more? Anyway, my name is
--"
"Don't tell me," I said, "I know. You're Lenore."
"Do I look like a girl raven?" the bird said." You've got it all wrong,
buddy. I'm Pluto -- dumb name for a bird, but there you are. Lenore is the
one who sent me; she's the cute witch with the silvery laugh you met at
Halloween two years ago."
I had to think about that for a while, but then I remembered.
"Ah, that rare and radiant maiden." I said. "I asked her for a date, you
know, but she had to go to the witches' sabbath."
"Well, you've got another chance. She wants me to tell you that she's free
this Halloween. "
"It's too late, I've got a girlfriend now."
"She won't like that, you know. She's going to make your life miserable."
"Well," I said, "that's just too bad, but it doesn't change my mind. I can't
go out with her. Nevermore."
"Nevermore?" the raven cried.
"Nevermore!" I repeated.
At that moment I woke up, relieved that I had only been dreaming. But then I
noticed that my bath water was icy cold and my drink tasted soapy. So Lenore
is probably around somewhere.
At Random - Adrian Korpel
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