How Many Grandchildren Are Enough?



Early on the morning after Memorial Day, I was staggering around, barefoot and half asleep, in search of coffee. Entering the kitchen, I suddenly found myself glued to the vinyl by blobs of masticated Fruit Rollups. In case you've never heard of Fruit Rollups, they're small scrolls of gummy yuck in revolting colors. They're also my grandchildren's favorite food. The older ones never stop telling me that Fruit Rollups, being made of fruit, are incredibly healthy. You should eat at least two or three every day, they say, because of the vitamins. I realize that this is like saying you need to drink three martinis a day because of the olives. But then again, who am I to deny spurious logic?

The sticky episode followed two days of revels that I celebrate twice a year with my extended family, which includes a dog and six grandchildren, evenly spaced in age between 1 and 8. This makes for surprising social interactions. For example, I asked Ian (4) if he himself had made the minimalist drawing he gave me. I expected some bragging, but he said humbly "No, God did it." Theology is not my forte, so an immediate reply escaped me. His sister Hannah (7) helped me out though. She looked at me, shook her head and said in a 'we adults know better' voice: " God didn't do it. Ian just makes up stories." It was quite a relief, because I know God can do better.

Just then my attention was needed to separate Carli (8 months) and Sandy the dog (2) who were licking each other's faces. After that Amanda (3) invited me to see her laptop doll house. It was inhabited by three miniature dolls and had everything a house should have but a bedroom. However, Amanda assured me that two of the dolls liked to sleep on the kitchen floor and one in the bathtub, which was all right as long as nobody took a shower.

My greatest challenge came when Ian told me tearfully that he and his cousin Robbie (5) didn't want to be in the play scripted by Bethany (8) and Hannah. "Bethany talks mean to us," he said. Upon further inquiry I found out that the boys were to be servants to the girls, who were royalty. Bethany explained that in the first act royalty didn't know the servants very well yet and had to be strict. Later on things would improve though when they all got married. The boys didn't buy this, and there was an impasse. Until Hannah suggested they skip the servitude act and get on with the wedding. I expect she'll be our secretary of state one day. We need good mediators badly.

At Random - Adrian Korpel